I don’t know if you’ve heard, but last Sunday Oprah made the most amazing speech at the Golden Globe awards. I watched that speech and cried, laughed, felt empowered and ready to conquer the world….then I had to go to sleep. That is the life of a stay at home mom. The thing is, I want to be more than I am. I remember being four years old and having a knowing that I was going to do something amazing with my life. What was it? Of course I wasn’t entirely sure. Although I can remember around five years old knowing that I wanted to be a singer and a dancer and an Actor. I mean I knew that with every fiber of my being. That knowing that I was going to be a performer continued well into my teen years. I mean I just knew it. But then it happened. That thing that a lot of adults do to children. They make them think that what they want is a silly dream that will never happen. That happened to me, and maybe in another blog I’ll go into those details. But, the point is that some of us are fragile beings as children and need a lot of encouragement from those around us.
To this day, I still know that my greatness will come. I am a mother and I have birthed two children at home without any drugs, and that is an incredibly empowering feeling. The feeling of life flowing through you is like none other, knowing you helped bring a life is something pretty amazing. And not to take away from that, but I want more out of my life. I do. From the close group of friends that I have, I would have never imagined that I’d be the first one to have children. If a psychic would have told me a decade ago that I’d be a stay at home mother I would have asked for my money back. I thought for sure that I would be somewhere on a stage performing. Or on a movie set in some far off land. But I am home in Miami and it is a beautiful thing. After all, I set this into motion because it was something I wanted. But now how do I get myself back into that space? The space of fulfilling that desire that is still there? That flame that although doesn’t burn as brightly as it once used to, I cannot ignore it. In my sleep, in my most mundane activities, I sense it in the background. Sometimes I will close my eyes to sleep and I will literally see a flame ever so slightly flickering in the deep darkness. But how much longer will it be before that flame stops flickering?